


Cosmic Joke

by sabershadowkat



Series: And Now For Something Completely Different [44]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-23 22:25:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4894615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabershadowkat/pseuds/sabershadowkat





	Cosmic Joke

**Cosmic Joke**  

#####  [by Saber ShadowKitten](mailto:daschus@sabershadowkat.com)  
And Now For Something Completely Different 44

 

 

  
  
  
  
  


Spike fussed over Xander until Xander batted him away. "I'm fine," Xander insisted. He was lying beneath the lean-to in Estel Woods, a cold rag draped across his brow. Spike had plied him alternately with sips of water and stale crackers until he couldn't take anymore. "You can stop taking care of me now."

"It's my job, remember?" Spike pointed out, checking Xander's pulse once again. Kneeling beside Xander, Spike tapped his finger on his thigh to keep time as he counted the heartbeats. It was back down to normal. Good.

Xander made a  _pishing_  sound, but didn't protest. It was the truth, after all.

"Now, are you going to tell me what your hysterics were all about or do I have to beat it out of you?"

Xander's lips twisted in a nasty way. "I'm one big, cosmic joke."

Spike changed position so he was seated beside Xander. The bedroll didn't provide much cushion from the ground. "I could've told you that."

"No, I mean it," Xander said. "My life's been one mess up after another. I wasn't being shit on by my father, I was being a useless idiot. Sure, eventually I got to be in the secret club of evil slayage, but only to get in the way most of the time. It's not like I had any powers or smarts to contribute anything.

"Then, I get struck by lightning, and hey, guess who now has powers like the others? Maybe it was for a reason, so I could finally really help instead of being a walking punching bag. Or maybe the Powers that Be decided I'm supposed to do something important, something no one else will be able to do. But no, that's not it. And I can't even chalk it up to a normal, freak occurrence anymore, either."

Xander spread his arms wide. "No, it was allllll an accident. A misspoken word during a spell. Willow was trying to find me, said 'lightning' instead of 'light', and poof, Xander is the butt of yet another cosmic joke."

Moving his arms back to his side, Xander sighed loudly and closed his eyes behind the sunglasses still on his nose. "My life sucks."

Spike didn't reply, which Xander took to mean agreement. 

Scratching sounds drew Xander's attention and he could see Spike writing something in the journal. "What're you doing?"

"Memorializing you being a git."

Xander rolled his eyes. He propped up on his elbows, after depositing the damp rag on the ground beside him. "You could show some sympathy."

Spike snorted.

"Right. Forgot who I was talking to." Xander peered outside the lean-to and around the campsite. "I should probably call Willow, especially since the Spike's out of the bag."

"Probably," Spike agreed. "M'not letting you go anywhere for another half-hour."

Xander arched a brow. "You're not letting me go anywhere?"

"Not after your screaming meemies." Spike continued writing. "Doctor's orders."

"You're not a doctor."

"Yes, I am."

Xander made a derisive sound. "Riiight. And I'm an astronaut."

"S'the truth," Spike said with a shrug. "I was a doctor before I was turned. Even had two tykes named after me, after I birthed them. Lavelle William Harris and Alexander Spike Harris."

Xander choked on the jibe he'd been about to make. He couldn't have heard that right. "Lavelle William Harris and Alexander Spike Harris?"

"Yep." Spike closed the notebook and rubberbanded it. "What of it?"

"Spike...," Xander said slowly. "You do know my name is Alexander Lavelle Harris, right?"

 

**End**


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